I am often asked why I don’t have a husband/boyfriend and, when my answer is not satisfactory, the asker subsequently makes a list of possible men with whom to set me up. Of the few set ups I have actually agreed to, they have only served to illustrate the very reasons why these men are still on the market.
My singleness makes people slightly nervous, worried that they are missing something truly horrific about me, not immediately visible, that precludes my settling down with anyone (something they have obviously missed in their single male friends). They figure there must be something wrong for me not to be attached by this point – perhaps a deep-seated psychological neurosis that I have never dealt with, or an innate bitchiness and inflexibility that only comes out behind closed relationship doors. I obviously have some serious self-help to undertake before I am able to enter into a healthy partnership.
Years of Oprah, self-help books and popular psychology have taught us single women that we cannot find love until we really love ourselves. We won’t be able to be with someone else until we are happy with being by ourselves. And we should expect and demand a person who is up to the high standards that we set for ourselves.
But is it possible that some of us have gone too far? Do we think so highly of ourselves that no one can measure up to the inflated vision we have of ourselves? Do we love ourselves so much that there is just not enough love to go around another person? In the immortal words of Elaine Benes: “Is it possible I’m not as attractive as I think I am?”
We don’t want to share ourselves with just one guy – who would be worth it? We have so much to offer, with our superior intellect, preternatural beauty, and mastery of sports, cooking and carpentry. All of this greatness would be wasted on a guy that probably is not even capable of fathoming the extent of our amazingness. Only Leonardo da Vinci would start to figure out that there was something unbelievable about us, and he’s been dead for ages; plus we would probably get annoyed with his backwards notes scribbled on the back of invention blueprints: klim teg ot enog.
So where does this leave us narcissistic, over-confident girls in search of a free-loving polyandrous society? It leaves us with friends who scratch their heads as they try and think of a suitable match for us, trying to figure out what exactly it is that is wrong, all the while never realizing that the fatal flaw is our refusal to settle for anyone that isn’t as goddamn wonderful as we are.
(Thank you to Sarah, the inspiration for this piece, who suggested that perhaps we lean toward arrogance in our dealings with the mere mortal males in today’s dating scene.)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Roll On, Spring...
To celebrate the arrival of spring last Thursday, I donned my winter parka, had a drink at Allen’s, then promptly got my car stuck in a snowbank which necessitated a call to my parents to come and help push me out (helpful strangers are apparently somewhat of a rarity around the Danforth). Whilst waiting for them, my feet actually began to freeze.
Now I know Easter is early this year (so early that those wily Irish priests changed St. Patrick’s Day to the Saturday before under the pretense that there shouldn’t be carousing on the Monday before Good Friday – drunken revelry was conveniently relocated to a day of the week followed by one that provided a lie-in), but I avoided the annual Beaches Easter Parade yesterday because the forecast was for a temperature below zero.
I know we live in Canada, and we should be used to snow and cold; but it’s bloody southern Canada, almost the southernmost point of Canada – so where the hell is spring?
I didn’t believe old Wiarton Willy on that cloudy day, 7 weeks ago.
However, around the world, others are celebrating the coming of spring; a time of rebirth, new beginnings and awakening from the sleep of winter. Here are a few highlights:
Hanami
In Japan, many cherry blossom viewing parties and festivals are held around this time of year. The Japanese watch the Cherry Blossom Forecast on television stations to know when the blooms are expected to come out in different parts of the country.
Holi
Known as the festival of colour, Holi marks the victory of good over evil. Hindus around the world light bonfires on the first night and throw coloured powder and water at each other the following day.
Vernal Equinox
Thousands of people celebrate the spring equinox by climbing to the top of the Sun Pyramid in Teotihuacan, Mexico, built by the Aztecs. It is thought that the first day of spring brings a special energy to the place.
Easter
Easter is based on the story of Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Non-religious symbols of the holiday, eggs and bunnies, denote symbols of rebirth and fecundity, both markers of spring.
Nowruz
Translated from Farsi, Nowruz means “new day” and is an ancient Persian festival celebrating the new solar year and the beginning of Iran’s calendar year. This year, Iran’s government has given its citizens a special Nowruz gift: strict gas rations have been loosened over the holiday period.
My own personal celebration comes with that first day that you can smell mud in the air - when the last bits of snow are trickling away in rivulets, revealing the dormant earth that lay hidden for so long. When the air is heavier and scented with growth. However you choose to celebrate... happy spring!
Now I know Easter is early this year (so early that those wily Irish priests changed St. Patrick’s Day to the Saturday before under the pretense that there shouldn’t be carousing on the Monday before Good Friday – drunken revelry was conveniently relocated to a day of the week followed by one that provided a lie-in), but I avoided the annual Beaches Easter Parade yesterday because the forecast was for a temperature below zero.
I know we live in Canada, and we should be used to snow and cold; but it’s bloody southern Canada, almost the southernmost point of Canada – so where the hell is spring?
I didn’t believe old Wiarton Willy on that cloudy day, 7 weeks ago.
However, around the world, others are celebrating the coming of spring; a time of rebirth, new beginnings and awakening from the sleep of winter. Here are a few highlights:
Hanami
In Japan, many cherry blossom viewing parties and festivals are held around this time of year. The Japanese watch the Cherry Blossom Forecast on television stations to know when the blooms are expected to come out in different parts of the country.
Holi
Known as the festival of colour, Holi marks the victory of good over evil. Hindus around the world light bonfires on the first night and throw coloured powder and water at each other the following day.
Vernal Equinox
Thousands of people celebrate the spring equinox by climbing to the top of the Sun Pyramid in Teotihuacan, Mexico, built by the Aztecs. It is thought that the first day of spring brings a special energy to the place.
Easter
Easter is based on the story of Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Non-religious symbols of the holiday, eggs and bunnies, denote symbols of rebirth and fecundity, both markers of spring.
Nowruz
Translated from Farsi, Nowruz means “new day” and is an ancient Persian festival celebrating the new solar year and the beginning of Iran’s calendar year. This year, Iran’s government has given its citizens a special Nowruz gift: strict gas rations have been loosened over the holiday period.
My own personal celebration comes with that first day that you can smell mud in the air - when the last bits of snow are trickling away in rivulets, revealing the dormant earth that lay hidden for so long. When the air is heavier and scented with growth. However you choose to celebrate... happy spring!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Baby, You Can Drive (in) My Car
A few weeks ago on CBC’s Metro Morning, Andy Barrie interviewed Rajat Suri, a university student who came up with an application for the social networking site Facebook which matched people up into carpools. Suri said he got the idea while driving in Toronto and looking at the thousands of cars carrying only one person.
Barrie noted that despite government funding, public awareness campaigns and carpool lanes, “I nevertheless find it difficult to get people – maybe your generation is changing – to give up the private space the car represents to them.”
I'm not sure that generation is changing, and the value of that private space is only increasing, especially as our cars become more and more like our living rooms, traditionally spaces for relaxation and socializing.
It started with cup holders – cars began to double as kitchen counters where we could multitask by eating and travelling at once. Then the suspension had to be improved so the drinks in the cup holders wouldn’t spill as you sailed over potholes and rumble strips. Vehicles got bigger: SUVs, their size marketed as essential for transporting all your sports equipment, were never really used for ferrying about surfboards and crampons over rough terrain. So all that cargo space was replaced with more heated, captain’s chair-style seats (no doubt with cup holders in the armrests) throughout the vehicle.
Then came the TV/DVD player to complete the transformation from means of transport to space of complete comfort. Who needs a living room now? Just transplant the family into the car, stick in Over The Hedge and set the car’s climate control to whatever temperature suits you.
And how often do you invite random strangers into your actual living room in the name of traffic reduction and environmentalism?
Maybe it’s time to start. There are still a few wrinkles to iron out with carpooling – timing can be an issue for some people – they may leave the house at a specific time in the morning, but can’t commit to a set time for the way home. Women especially will incorporate errands into their drive home (one stat has women making 4 stops to men’s one while out in the car), so some people may not want to sit in the car outside while their driver pops into the grocery store, post office, daycare and LCBO.
Despite many people’s misgivings and lack of flexibility around their cars, Suri’s idea seems to be working. His Facebook application has been used by over 300 000 people, whether they want to get downtown to work every morning, or travel to Montreal for the weekend.
Barrie noted that despite government funding, public awareness campaigns and carpool lanes, “I nevertheless find it difficult to get people – maybe your generation is changing – to give up the private space the car represents to them.”
I'm not sure that generation is changing, and the value of that private space is only increasing, especially as our cars become more and more like our living rooms, traditionally spaces for relaxation and socializing.
It started with cup holders – cars began to double as kitchen counters where we could multitask by eating and travelling at once. Then the suspension had to be improved so the drinks in the cup holders wouldn’t spill as you sailed over potholes and rumble strips. Vehicles got bigger: SUVs, their size marketed as essential for transporting all your sports equipment, were never really used for ferrying about surfboards and crampons over rough terrain. So all that cargo space was replaced with more heated, captain’s chair-style seats (no doubt with cup holders in the armrests) throughout the vehicle.Then came the TV/DVD player to complete the transformation from means of transport to space of complete comfort. Who needs a living room now? Just transplant the family into the car, stick in Over The Hedge and set the car’s climate control to whatever temperature suits you.
And how often do you invite random strangers into your actual living room in the name of traffic reduction and environmentalism?
Maybe it’s time to start. There are still a few wrinkles to iron out with carpooling – timing can be an issue for some people – they may leave the house at a specific time in the morning, but can’t commit to a set time for the way home. Women especially will incorporate errands into their drive home (one stat has women making 4 stops to men’s one while out in the car), so some people may not want to sit in the car outside while their driver pops into the grocery store, post office, daycare and LCBO.
Despite many people’s misgivings and lack of flexibility around their cars, Suri’s idea seems to be working. His Facebook application has been used by over 300 000 people, whether they want to get downtown to work every morning, or travel to Montreal for the weekend.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Yet Another Reason Not To Pick Your Nose In Public
Big Brother is watching, and he's watching from a panoramic camera positioned atop a VW Beetle, driving around the big cities of America, filming the quotidian goings-on: this according to an piece in the Times Online about Google's latest map feature, Street View.
Not only will Google show you a map of where you're searching for, directions how to get there, and an aerial view; they'll now give you a snapshot at street level (providing the punchbuggy has driven past), displaying scenes like the one below, taken in San Francisco.
Has the human race always been so interested in what other people are doing? Is this Street View feature just another way to satisfy our voyeuristic urges (which somehow are not being satisfied by the myriad reality shows out there)?
Or are we surprised (and charmed) by the unexpected scenes that greet us on otherwise nondescript American streets, playing to the human brain's desire for novelty?
Either way, just think twice about sticking a finger up your nose anywhere outside your own home...
Not only will Google show you a map of where you're searching for, directions how to get there, and an aerial view; they'll now give you a snapshot at street level (providing the punchbuggy has driven past), displaying scenes like the one below, taken in San Francisco.
Has the human race always been so interested in what other people are doing? Is this Street View feature just another way to satisfy our voyeuristic urges (which somehow are not being satisfied by the myriad reality shows out there)?
Or are we surprised (and charmed) by the unexpected scenes that greet us on otherwise nondescript American streets, playing to the human brain's desire for novelty?
Either way, just think twice about sticking a finger up your nose anywhere outside your own home...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Fringe Benefits or, Bangs Away!
Being on holiday, I have a chance to practise my tabloid headline writing skills as well as comment on some less weightier topics (than, like, daytime television).
Here's a trend you can trace on the foreheads of fashionistas: the fringe. Kate Moss started it last fall, chopping her post-Pete Doherty locks into a 70s-inspired cut.
Model Heidi Klum soon followed suit, keeping up with the trends she might see on her show Project Runway.
After a few months, we see the trend trickle down from models to mere celebrities - Kate Hudson has been sporting some cute bangs while cavorting around Miami with Owen Wilson (who I was convinced tried to kill himself over her, but there you go).
And finally, our Friend next door, Jennifer Aniston was spotted sporting the shaggy bangs on the set of her latest movie.
Kate Moss started the skinny jean phase ages ago, and it took that style a good two years to hit the streets of North America (they were a bit quicker in London). My prediction? Fall 2010, we're all going to look suspiciously like our grade 3 bowl-cut bangs school photo...
Here's a trend you can trace on the foreheads of fashionistas: the fringe. Kate Moss started it last fall, chopping her post-Pete Doherty locks into a 70s-inspired cut.
Model Heidi Klum soon followed suit, keeping up with the trends she might see on her show Project Runway.
After a few months, we see the trend trickle down from models to mere celebrities - Kate Hudson has been sporting some cute bangs while cavorting around Miami with Owen Wilson (who I was convinced tried to kill himself over her, but there you go).
And finally, our Friend next door, Jennifer Aniston was spotted sporting the shaggy bangs on the set of her latest movie.
Kate Moss started the skinny jean phase ages ago, and it took that style a good two years to hit the streets of North America (they were a bit quicker in London). My prediction? Fall 2010, we're all going to look suspiciously like our grade 3 bowl-cut bangs school photo...
Monday, March 10, 2008
Daytime TV
And so begins the March Break, that week approaching spring that sees Pearson’s passenger numbers rise dramatically, parents scrambling to find childcare for a week and those lazy teachers claiming one week is just not enough. (It isn’t.)
For those of us who were lucky enough not to be sitting on the floor of Terminal 3 on Saturday, watching the snow fall and the flights fail to leave, we get the sinful indulgence of daytime TV.
Back in the day, daytime TV used to mean soap operas and game shows (I remember many a March Break spent as a student in my parents’ basement, shouting “Big Money!” at contestants on the Price Is Right as they spun that massive wheel just before Showcase Showdown). Later on, audiences saw an endless string of trashy talkshows with similar themes (My sister is pregnant with my transvestite husband’s baby etc.) and different straight-talking hosts (Montel, Sally Jesse, Maury etc.).
Nowadays our channel lineup has increased and so has the spectrum of daytime television. It seems that home-based shows have been all over the place for a while now: everything from home renovations to selling property to managing debt are the foci of shows.
And it seems we’re following Britain's lead, a country which, if the daytime lineup of BBC Canada is to be taken as a representation of television interest, is really into buying, renovating, decorating and selling property (and then rummaging through the attic to find things to sell).
Canada is even seeing the import of a few Brits to host Canadian-produced shows. Colin and Justin’s Home Heist premiered on HGTV back in October, transplanting the flamboyant duo from a variety of “flipping” shows in the UK (including Colin and Justin On The Estate, where they attempted to revitalize a dire council housing estate) to a show focusing on our national crisis of ugly basements.
The latest British import is Kim Woodburn who presented How Clean Is Your House?, a show revealing the grimy state of some UK households. This past Tuesday, Woodburn hosted the first episode of Kim’s Rude Awakenings, where she gets down to the dirty in Toronto homes.
How do homes get to this state, one wonders? Especially homes of those lazy teachers who have an entire week off to spring clean (which happens to be my goal for this week)?
Well, we get so drawn into the soap operas, game shows, talkshows and home and design shows that we can’t possibly find the time to do any work on our own houses.
(I should have left the dust, braved the airport, and gone to Cuba.)
For those of us who were lucky enough not to be sitting on the floor of Terminal 3 on Saturday, watching the snow fall and the flights fail to leave, we get the sinful indulgence of daytime TV.
Back in the day, daytime TV used to mean soap operas and game shows (I remember many a March Break spent as a student in my parents’ basement, shouting “Big Money!” at contestants on the Price Is Right as they spun that massive wheel just before Showcase Showdown). Later on, audiences saw an endless string of trashy talkshows with similar themes (My sister is pregnant with my transvestite husband’s baby etc.) and different straight-talking hosts (Montel, Sally Jesse, Maury etc.).
Nowadays our channel lineup has increased and so has the spectrum of daytime television. It seems that home-based shows have been all over the place for a while now: everything from home renovations to selling property to managing debt are the foci of shows.
And it seems we’re following Britain's lead, a country which, if the daytime lineup of BBC Canada is to be taken as a representation of television interest, is really into buying, renovating, decorating and selling property (and then rummaging through the attic to find things to sell).
Canada is even seeing the import of a few Brits to host Canadian-produced shows. Colin and Justin’s Home Heist premiered on HGTV back in October, transplanting the flamboyant duo from a variety of “flipping” shows in the UK (including Colin and Justin On The Estate, where they attempted to revitalize a dire council housing estate) to a show focusing on our national crisis of ugly basements.
The latest British import is Kim Woodburn who presented How Clean Is Your House?, a show revealing the grimy state of some UK households. This past Tuesday, Woodburn hosted the first episode of Kim’s Rude Awakenings, where she gets down to the dirty in Toronto homes.How do homes get to this state, one wonders? Especially homes of those lazy teachers who have an entire week off to spring clean (which happens to be my goal for this week)?
Well, we get so drawn into the soap operas, game shows, talkshows and home and design shows that we can’t possibly find the time to do any work on our own houses.
(I should have left the dust, braved the airport, and gone to Cuba.)
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